dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
