then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
