I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
