just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
