Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
