omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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