There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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