i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
dude. I can hear the air.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
