I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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