so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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