He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
