we're blogging at a bar
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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