Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
