Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Randomize
