It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
