Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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