That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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