Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
