bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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