Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
