I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
