I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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