The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
