I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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