just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
