Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
where are my eyebrows?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
