I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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