no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
