yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
