9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
