oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We left an ass print on the piano.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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