I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
