The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
