There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
