just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
