It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
