Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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