Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
