That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
