So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
