dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
