He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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