You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
