I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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