we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
