omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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