so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
