it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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