omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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