So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
