So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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